Last week we participated in II Attachment Conference in Warsaw,
the main subject of the event being attachment parenthood,
an idea close to Leoparents’ hearts.
One of the conference panels was devoted to developing family ties with problem children.
The speakers were Smith-Megenis Mum (Kasia Pietras),
the Feeding Father (Sebastian Łukomski),
Łucja Sokorska-Maj, chairwoman of Synapsis Fund, and Leomom,
at the absence of Leodad, who was on the other hemisphere at that time.
The discussion was moderated by Beata Jewiarz, a journalist,
who hit the spot with her questions.
How was it at the beginning? How did you learn at the disease?
How about the acceptance process?
How do you handle the news about your child’s serious condition?
Can you accept it?
- It is like mourning - said the Feeding Father
And he is right. The beginning is like mourning.
You hear words like: incurable, never, forever.
You have to part from normality, dreams and plans.
You have to face new unwanted reality.
How to build ties with a child in this situation?
How to build ties with a child that is emotionally or physically detached?
With a child in a medically-induced coma?
With and incubated child?
With a child that you cannot hold in your arms,
and with a nurse instructing you on how to touch your own child?
How do you build tis with a child that cannot control his or her emotions?
Have you ever experienced stigmatisation?
How do your family/friends/ coworkers/neighbours react to the fact that your child is ill?
Are they up to this situation?
Or do they withdraw and you are no longer in touch with them.
How about medical/psychological/state support?
Are there any procedures?
Any paths to follow?
Is the child aware of his/her anomaly?
Is he trying to boss his parents, using his condition as a tool?
How to handle this? How to raise such child? To be tolerant or not?
To follow or not to follow he child?
How to do it?
Finally how to take care of oneself not to get crazy?
How not to give in to frustration when life is full of constant fear,
exhaustion, isolation and helplessness?
How to carry out a constant fight against the system?
How to be happy?
It was a very useful and frank discussion.
Although, limited by time frame, we only touched upon the problems.
They are numerous. And we need to handle, name, describe and define them.
Thanks to Agata Aleksandrowicz and Mamania for the discussion ideas,
for the initiation, your time and attention.
Let’s talk about it.
P.S. Unfortunately some attendants did not like the idea (or the phrase)
of being bossed by a child, because a child can merely express its needs.
Therefore the discussion took the direction that it should not take.
We can discuss if a four-year old may boss his parents
this is what the conference discussions are for - but we have to discuss in style.
And it is important not to take phrases out of their original context,
which was: total acceptance of the problem children and their conditions.
This comment hurt.